Thursday, June 27, 2013

Emotional Cheating: Let's Get emotional

Have you ever been in a great relationship, that one day seems to go sour? Have you ever been at a place in the relationship where it seems that the two of you argue constantly about any and everything, and no amount of advice seems to work? Your mind begins to wonder if your significant other is seeing someone else on the side. For some reason you can't understand for the life of you why your relationship has hit such a wall, and why is it seemingly difficult for you to recover, forgive, and forget. Like thousands if not millions of couples, I have experienced this feeling a time or two in different relationships. At one point I was so insecure about my position in the relationship that I was anxious with every phone call that my mate had to take outside. The time he spent on social media, I felt I was losing because the communication just wasn't there the way it used to be when we first became serious with one another. I was once so strong, but there came a point in the relationship where I just needed answers.

An "emotional affair" is an affair which EXCLUDES physical intimacy and includes instead emotional intimacy. It may begin innocently as a friendship. It is sometimes referred to as an affair of the heart, where one partner is in a committed monogamous relationship. With emotional cheating, neither sexual intercourse nor physical affection is necessary to impact the bonds of the committed relationship. It is theorized that an emotional affair can injure a committed relationship more than a one night stand or casual sexual affairs. Once I discovered that, my feelings and emotions were justified I began to be able to express to my partner how he hurt me and put our relationship in jeopardy. He clung to the excuse that he had not slept with either of the two women I found in his Facebook inbox, but I was strong in being able to recognize and accurately convey that his actions were a violation of our relationship. I'm sharing my story and my experience today, because I want to empower some man or woman out there who finds themselves in this exact situation and have no idea how to handle it. I want to give you the tools to identify when you have been cheated on emotionally, and the tips to make the right decisions moving forward.

An emotional affair may be characterized by: (1) inappropriate emotional intimacy, (2) deception and secrecy, (3) increased fighting, (4) An emotional triangle, (5) sexual and emotional and emotional chemistry, and finally (5) denial.

First, The partner that is being unfaithful may spend an inappropriate, unusual, or excessive amount of time with someone of the opposite or the same gender. This is all time that they are not sharing with you. They may begin to confide more in their "new friend" than they do with their you, or may spend an excessive amount of time on social networks confiding in them; blasting all of the problems of your relationship to people who don't even know who you are. They may begin to share emotional and intimate feelings with someone else other than you. Anytime an individual invests more emotionally in something or someone else than with their existing partner the relationship can and usually does suffer.

Next, The two people that have become involved emotionally may keep these connections a secret. They may not be forthcoming with their partner that they are exchanging emotions with someone other than their mate. They also may not tell their partners about the amount of time that they spend with each other. The unfaithful spouse may exclude telling their mate about coming in contact with the person they are having an emotional affair with while running down their events of the day in an attempt to conceal their rendezvous. Even if sex does not occur, the secrecy and deceptions reveals that the two of them know they are engaging in an activity that is not right and undermines the existing monogamous relationship.This could very well lead to something sexual down the line.  If it were really just a meeting with friends, then both of them would and should have no problem mentioning to you that they met up.

Increased Fighting: When a person becomes involved with a third party, they will almost always, without fail, discount their previous partner. They begin to view their new partner as all good and their existing partner as all bad, regardless of how much their existing partner does to try to help out around the house or try to spice up the relationship. The emotional cheater will blame their interest in the third party on their existing mate, which leads to a lot of fighting and puts a heavy strain on the relationship.

Yo can try to confront your partner about emotional cheating, but the reaction is usually the same; DENIAL. Since he or she has not had sex with the third party yet, you are being delusional. They will make you seem like the insecure person, and the more you try to prove to them that you can sense that they are having an emotional affair, the more they will resent you and run to the third party. I am all for union, but in this situation the best thing you can do is walk away if things do not seem as if they can be worked out. Don't believe them when they try to say you are crazy. The signs are all there. Keep in mind all of these characteristics, and if the shoe fits, then you will have to wear that shoe on your way out the door. Don't beat yourself up over it, if your relationship has to end due to emotional cheating, at least you are free emotionally to love someone else that is deserving of your love and affection. Don't be a slave to that and don't lose sight of who you really are in a situation like this. Always remember how great you are and how great you will be to someone who appreciates you. Good luck with your journey.

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